Plan B is the new Plan A
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
