Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
