So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize