i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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