i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
