i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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