I think I am morally bankrupt
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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