I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
