I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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