I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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