But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
