Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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