I accidentally had phone sex last night
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
