you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
