i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
