Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
