They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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