Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
