She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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