i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize