I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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