Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
