this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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