Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
