Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
