your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
