Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
