We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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