I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
This girl is more easily done than said...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
accomplished twins. life is a go
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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