Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
