thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
