you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
