He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
