We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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