I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
