Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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