she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
