1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
