Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
