so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
