Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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