I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
