I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
