Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
