my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
