It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
