im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
