i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
