I'm eating all of the evidence.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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