i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
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I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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