Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
