Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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