At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
