my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
