Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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