don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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