Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
