her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
