I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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