after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
