Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
