Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
