Sponge bath it is.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
