i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
