No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
