I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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