What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We left the knife in your bed.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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