I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
