which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
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my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
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I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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