The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
why is half of my head shaved?
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