He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
