i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
